I only started getting serious with it at the beginning of this year. How does one go about finding potential mates in this day and age? I personally don't get out much. All of my friends live about an hour away so finding a wing woman to go out with was impossible. Besides the fact that they are all happily married or in serious relationships of their own with babies and lives. I was alone in this endeavor. I decided to take my chances with online dating.
Ahh tinder. Raise your hand if you've tried this app. Now put your hand down if you used this app while in a relationship. Okay, now lower your hand if you used it just to hook up no strings attached. Hmm looks like that's most of you. Yeah that about sums up tinder. What did I honestly expect though from an app that is based mostly on someones appearance?
This app made me feel like an asshole. How many nice guys might I have passed on just because they took a bad photo? Then you get a match and hope that they message you first because wouldn't messaging them make you look desperate? I'm just glad random people weren't allowed to message you unless you swiped yes. That can get super overwhelming after a while.
With tinder I decided on three guys. Lets call them Bachelor #1, Bachelor #2 and Bachelor #3. Bachelor #1 was a tattoo artist who lived about 45 minutes away. He was almost seven feet tall and seemed nice. We talked for a bit but he was making excuses not to meet me. Red flag here ladies. If the woman is the one trying to meet up and the man doesn't want to there is something wrong. I eventually stopped talking to him because he thought he was the best tattoo artist in the world and because I hadn't gotten mine from him they were crap. Yeah he said my tattoos were all crap. He didn't understand why I'd be offended by this. FYI two of my tattoos were done by an amazing and brilliant lady whose work on my body gets complimented all the time. This guy was a doucher.
Bachelor #2 I met. I went out with him twice thinking he'd be a good guy. He had a nice job and four (FOUR!) kids all of which he had custody of. He also wrote and illustrated his own horror comic. I went to school for this so it intrigued me. After seeing his work I wasn't exactly impressed but I was willing to look past his lack of actual talent. Divorced single father does not a gentleman make. He was exactly what you think you'd find on tinder. A handsy mother fucker only wanting one thing. Needless to say I told him to piss off after the second date.
Now on to Bachelor #3. At this point I think I was slightly desperate to have something work out. This guy was a huge dork which I loved. He liked x-men (maybe a little too much. More on that in a minute) and had similar taste in music. He was tall with long, slightly greasy hair that I assume was made that way from the Wolverine hat that he NEVER. TOOK. OFF. When I say never I mean never. He wore it at all times. He wore it to work. He wore it outside of work. He wore it sometimes in bed. I'm pretty sure he thought he was wolverine... minus the muscles... and the claws... and the mutant healing abilities. Okay so I don't see how he would have thought he was Wolverine but he did. He really did. He was also just getting out of a marriage where his wife up and left him without warning. This guy was messed up. Her shit was still everywhere in their apartment like she just ran out to get a gallon of milk. Not really an ideal situation you want from a potential mate. After a month I realized that I was wasting my time and GTFO of there.
Okay, so tinder wasn't for me. I needed something with profiles and maybe a matching ability that didn't base everything on looks. I signed up for several sites that catered to a dorky lifestyle. They all either matched you with someone hundreds of miles away or required you to pay in order to talk to anyone. No thanks. I took a small hiatus before I decided to get back in the saddle again.
Okcupid looked stupid to me. I just assumed it would be just as shitty as tinder. It's name for some reason pissed me off and reminded me of stupid teen dating sites like spin the bottle that I used when I was young. I tried it anyways because I was bored. Plus they had a nice profile section that I could write out all about myself... not that most of those asshats looked at that. Most men just look at your picture and message you. They don't bother to look and see any of my interests. I decided that I wasn't going to talk to anyone who didn't talk nerdy to me within the first few messages.
With this I instantly got overwhelmed. I was bombarded by messages from men. It was hard to sort through it all. I decided to talk to a couple and just ignore the rest because it was too much work. This time I thought I'd narrow it down to just two bachelors because three was too much last time. I picked one who messaged me off the bat and seemed interesting. We will call him Bachelor long hair. This is what i referred to him in real life with friends so it seems fitting. The second was the only person on any dating site that I messaged first. Waiting for Mr. right to find me wasn't working out for me. I had to take initiative. I'll call him Bachelor way too sexy for me. Because that was my initial thought. A girl's gotta try, right?
Bachelor long hair was nice. He had several odd jobs like a mattress inspector. Isn't that on a t-shirt somewhere? I didn't know that was a real job. He also bred rats. Yes, I said rats. His sweetness outweighed his weirdness. I decided to meet him for dinner and a movie. Dinner went well. He was shorter than expected but that's okay. Conversation was easy and there wasn't any awkwardness. We decided to go for a walk before the movie which was nice. We talked and got to know each other. Have I met someone who I could potentially date? Not so fast there, Autumn. We haven't gotten to the movie yet. How can a movie get fucked up you might wonder. Well I'm here to tell you how.
Two drunken men hell bent on ruining a movie is not what you want near you on a first date. Unfortunately they sat down right next to me. They called me red. They kept saying crude sexual things to me until I eventually got up and moved. I have a bad temper and didn't want to yell in front of my date. Moving, sadly, didn't help. They cat called to me across the theater until I had to get up and get a manager. Yes me, not my date. He sat idly by. The managers came in with intent on kicking them out until they saw how large they were. They then promptly gave a stern warning and ran out with their tails between their legs. Eventually my date got them kicked out after it wouldn't stop and other patrons were getting bothered as well. We thought all was well until they came back in and spit in my date's face causing a fistfight to ensue. My date was wrestling on the ground with them until the police came. Not a good date.
Bachelor way too sexy for me was next. He had dark hair and green eyes and a strong jaw line that would make any straight woman melt. Not only was he knowledgeable in X-men (his favorite being Gambit who just so happened to be my favorite as well) but he had a sense of humor. Educated, funny, attractive, had a nice job, own place, a car, and no past lover baggage to be seen. What the hell was wrong with this guy? Why was he single? It seemed a little too good to be true. He was also slightly hard to read. I couldn't tell if he had any interest in me or was just a polite guy. We said goodbye with a first bump after standing in the restaurant's parking lot for 45 minutes talking after dinner. I didn't expect to hear from that sexy, sexy man ever again. But I did.
Date number two was pretty amazing. We went to an arcade and then geocaching. He kept getting closer to me to look at the map. If I was reading his signals correctly then he was actually into me. We went to dinner and then sat in his car talking for a few hours. The ending of the date left me confused again. It was awkward. I just wanted him to kiss me and give me a clear sign that he actually liked me and wasn't just wanting to be my friend. Eventually after several awkward moments of getting in and out of the car, he hugged me. Then he smelled me (ha ha) and kissed me.
Bachelor way too sexy for me is now just referred to as my boyfriend. I'm still wondering what could possibly be wrong with him because he just seems a little too perfect but I assume I'll eventually get used to not being disappointed. I'm happy and this is a new concept for me. So I guess if I had to recommend a dating site to use it would be okcupid. I personally think it was a fluke for me to find someone so amazing on there but who knows? Maybe you'll be the exception to the rule as well.
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